…back again.

Safety’s Back… brought a friend…

Politics is about the future not the past.

Oh for fuck’s sake – change the fucking tape will you!

Look, politics is about the past, present and the fucking future.

You learn the lessons of the past, you apply them to the present and you plan for the future.

Fucking hell, this like Neil the Hippy trying to teach Vyvian about fucking gardening in The Young Ones.

We sow the seed. Nature grows the seed. And then we eat the seed…

Now, do you fucking understand…?
No. Of course you don’t – who am I fucking kidding?

After ten years in office Labour needs a new vision and new policies if we are to successfully meet the future challenges faced by our country and the wider world.

And?

Winning future elections requires us to renew ourselves intellectually, politically and organisationally.

Okay… so this is all just the usual soap powder politics bollock. Welcomes to the launch of new and improved New New Labour. We haven’t got the fucking clue what it is or why its better than the Old New Labour, but it’s new and that’s what counts.

Renewal cannot happen behind closed doors. It requires an open participatory debate in the Party, amongst our supporters and with the wider public about the future direction for New Labour.

Which is why the first thing you do is e-mail all the party’s MP’s and hold a fucking media launch – that’s real fucking inclusive of you.

Ten years ago we had a clear vision about direction. And in those ten years we have done much to make both Britain and the world better and fairer. We take pride in what has been achieved under Tony Blair’s leadership.

Now the world has moved on. It is the right time not just to take stock but to set out the new ideas that can give New Labour renewed momentum.

And those ideas are…? I’m waiting… yes… yes… no, you haven’t got a fucking clue have you?

A Conservative victory would be bad for Britain so we believe that we should have the courage to take the radical centre ground in British politics by setting out a compelling vision for the future rather than simply relying on what we have achieved in the past.

You see? Haven’t got a fucking clue what they’re talking about, so the trot out a bogeyman.

Yes, we know a Tory victory would be bad for Britain… because they’re just as much a vacuous bunch of cunts as you are.

The 2020 Vision is about looking to the world a decade or more ahead. It is about identifying the new challenges the world faces and the new policies needed to implement progressive values.

A decade or more ahead, eh? Good… well you can fuck off and call me back in, say, about another seven or eight years, then.

By modernising our means but staying true to our ends we can make the twenty first century a progressive one.

You fucking what? Has one of you cunts swallowed a fucking spin doctor?

We believe in radical reform.

Well, yes. Don’t you always

For us reform is for a progressive purpose – to make for a fairer society. We look to policies that empower individual citizens, reward aspiration, spread opportunity, tackle intolerance and inequality, provide security, protect the environment and that are internationalist not isolationist.

Ooh goody.. a whole string of meaningless fucking buzzwords as usual. Yeah that’ll fucking work won’t it?

Look, you can fill the same sentence with complete and utter nonsense and it still makes about the same amount of sense.

For us reform is for a footling purpose – to make for a blinkenspiel society. We look to policies that discombobulate individual citizens, snotgobble aspiration, bloviate opportunity, kershnoogle intolerance and inequality, blastnostricate security, kazoompa the environment and that are squadelphious not Frisbeetarian.

See what I mean – it makes about as much sense as Safety shitting buzzwords, doesn’t it!

And we look to a style of politics that is based on dialogue, debate and devolved power.

What? Dialogue, debate and devolved power – you mean like the last ten years?

Can you give me one good reason why I should believe any of this bollocks? Go on… just one…

Yes…?

Yes…?

No. Of course you can’t. You just trotting out the same old tired rhetoric aren’t you… Yes, you are….

The 2020 Vision is an open forum for individuals and organisations who believe in New Labour’s renewal. The 2020 Vision aims to facilitate a wide-ranging debate about the future of progressive modernisation. Through an interactive website, publications and regional and national events The 2020 Vision will seek to encourage the development of ideas and policies that can contribute to progressive reform.

Okay, I’ve had enough enough of this already – just who is the cunt that bought Safety a bullshit machine gun for Christmas and how much will it cost to have the bastard kneecapped…

…with a JCB.

Renewal cannot be about going back. It is about moving forward.

Does anyone else get a bit creeped out with all this talk of renewal?

Wasn’t ‘renewal’ the euphemism they used in Logan’s Run to describe putting all the thirty-year olds in a disco and then vaporising the fuckers?

OH MY GOD, SAFETY WANTS TO VAPORISE THE OVER THIRTY’S…. DON’T VOTE FOR THESE BASTARDS OR YOU’RE ALL GOING TO DIE – © Daily Mail 2007.

That is what The 2020 Vision aims to do.

No, sorry old boy… don’t understand your banter.

We interrupt this programme for a message from our sponsors…

Bitter?

Twisted?

Political career right down the shitter?

Then you need ‘2020 Vision’, the new fragrance from Clarke and Milburn.

Ah, yes. The sweet smell of bullshit.