Oh for fuck’s sake!

Here’s Cameron in the Graun ‘launching a new internet initiative because politicians urgently need to find new ways of engaging with the public’.

Right now, our political culture is undergoing unprecedented transformation. The old answers will not work in a new age, and political parties need to understand the forces that are stirring within society if they are to keep being relevant.

Right, so we’re straight into Cloney Blair mode. Tinfoil helmets at the ready, folks, the toff’s going to be talking about something ‘modern’.

There are two fundamental and mutually dependent factors that are contributing to this shift. First, we are in the early stages of the internet revolution, and evolving with it is a whole new age of political communication and engagement.

Oooohhh shit! Looks like those bastards over at ConservativeHome have explained to him what a blog is and shown him fucking YouTube.

Before, politicians and the mainstream media believed that when we talked people listened. Now, there are 57m blogs – that means 57m new newspaper editors. Every minute, 15 new user-generated videos are uploaded on to YouTube – that means 450 new news items during the time of an evening news bulletin.

WTF? User generated videos on YouTube a minute are news? Can you imagine Trevor McDonut presenting the YouTube news?

And tonight’s main headlines again…

YouTube has obtained exclusive footage of two parka-wearing dickheads miming to ‘Wonderwall’ and a teenager being pushed down a canal tow-path by his mates in a shopping trolley.

And finally… In Sunderland, today, Dwayne Bloggins successfully entered the Guinness Book of Records having broken the world record for the most rockets fired successfully out his arsehole in one minute.

More on News at Ten, later, including exclusive film of his record-breaking attempt.

Could it possibily get any worse? Well it does…

Second, and linked to this, we need to understand that young people are not disengaging themselves from the political arena. In fact, the reality is that they are getting more involved than ever before. Social networks such as MySpace and Bebo bring together people not through common geography, but through common interest.

Oh fuck! He’s after the ‘Yoof’ vote – this is going to be bad.

This week, we will be launching “sort-it“, an innovative and provocative internet-based campaign designed to encourage young people to think about their own social responsibilities. The first issue we have chosen is personal debt, but many more will be addressed in the months ahead, such as racism and homelessness.

WARNING. WARNING. WARNING.

MIDDLE-AGED TOFF TRYING TO BE TRENDY ALERT!

DO NOT PANIC. GO HOME. WATCH COUNTDOWN AND WAIT FOR THE ALL CLEAR.

They’ve called the website what? SORT-IT!

Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha! Oh fuck me this is priceless – straight out of the 80s Yoof TV pisstake in the Young Ones that had Ben Elton presenting a programme called ‘Nosin’ Around’.

Still, as they’ve helpfully provided a link to nosin’ around sort-it, I suppose I might as well go and have a look.

MWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….

JESUS-H-TAPDANCING-FUCKING-CHRIST!

Cameron’s going to teach young people about fiscal responsibility using an orange permatanned sitcom chav in a 1980s Miami Vice suit who’ll being encouraging young people to explore their inner ‘Tosser’ (that’s the bit of you that make’s you spend all your money on crap and get into shitloads of debt – what we used to call ‘capitalists’.)

Whooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!

Oh fuck me! Cameron’s big idea for ‘connecting’ with young people via the internet is a fucking bling-ridden, mockney, Oompa Loompa.

What else can one do in the circumstances but…